yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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