it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
