He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
