when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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