You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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