So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
