did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
