I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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