I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
