Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
