so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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