If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
