I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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