So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
