Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
