Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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