The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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