So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
