My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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