I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
