By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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