im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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