I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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