I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
