hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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