Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
