I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
