I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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