I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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