No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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