Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
