your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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