I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
