he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
