Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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