You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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