Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
