i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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