she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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