Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
