There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
