Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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