awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
