I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize