i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
