do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize