i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
