His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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