remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
