So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
