I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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