with your own penis?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
