what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
