By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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