If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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