matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
