There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
