guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
