He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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