I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
