you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
