Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Randomize
