I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize