I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
