he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
